#2

Bela's appointment was yesterday, and I was told that her surgery will be around a year from now. It's weird to know that, but I'm so glad that we have a whole year. She will have the summer to recover fully before she starts school. Even as I type those words it's like it's not really going to happen. I can say them, but I don't connect to the words. I honestly do not dwell on the fact that she needs another surgery for the most part, but every time I have an appointment I struggle a little more than normal for a few days leading up and a few days following. It is all shoved in your face. The seriousness of her situation is put into words like catheterization, pressure building, restricted blood flow, non functional, leaking, surgery, not tolerating food, difficulty breathing, fragile tissue. Words I just don't talk about until I'm sitting in that chair. It's almost like I hear them, but I don't want to process them. It's not like I don't know there are problems, I see them every single day, but I don't see her heart. I don't know what's going on in there and it's scary to know.
With all that said, I still feel so much peace. I just know that everything will be okay. There is SO much more happiness and good times for her now and so I can see things a little more clearly. The first year was difficult to handle everything that was going wrong. But now that she has had such a happy, full year and a half, I have a better perspective of her life. Yes, there will be times that will be extremely difficult and painful, but there will be MORE times that are full of so much happiness and normalcy for her. It's nice to be able to see that now.

I loved this quote today by President Uchtdorf:
"The lessons we learn from patience will cultivate our character, lift our lives, and heighten our happiness."